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Death Anxiety

Death Anxiety Lyrics

Don't

Sing if you wanna sing, I don't

Praise if you wanna praise, I won't

See if you wanna see I'll try

It's hard to see with a blind mind's eye

Never you mind cause I always give up

I was inclined but it's never,

no it's never enough

 

Speak if you wanna speak I don't

It puts a number on every soul

Never you mind cause I always gave up

I was inclined but it's never,

no it's never enough

 

And though you say what you mean

I find your criticism, the opposite of wisdom

And though you say what you need

I'm sure it isn't a thing, more like a light than a being

The feeling is quite alone, like God hung up the phone

 

I'm glad you're doing a good thing

But the backlash must be frustrating

Never you mind cause whatever is done

Is always met with opposition

 

If you're only here for a little while

You can just drop off that paranoid smile

When you bleed, please don't bleed next to me

I've got a problem with the way these things are seen

I've been self-described as a tiny man with a tiny life

But the little things get smaller and smaller every year

Yes, the little things get smaller and smaller every year

 

Sing if you wanna sing, oh well

Do you think I'm going to Hell?

Never you mind cause whatever is done

Is always met with opposition

 

You've been self-described as the ones who finally got my doctrine right

But the little things get more and more important every year

Yes the little things get more and more important every year

 

 

 

 

Death Anxiety

If I don't drink I don't trust you

If I don't think I don't mean to

If I don't lie I'm not living

If I don't die you're forgiving

If I don't see it then I'm sorry

When asked if I knew I said "Hardly."

We all have differing opinions

Yet we all think we have the right ones

 

I still convince myself that I will never die

Like I lead some extra special life

As if the billions who've gone before me don't count

With such high amounts I still have my doubts

 

I don't think I was made for children

But how will I know unless I raise one

I found I cannot make a baby

Is it better than way?  Maybe.

 

I saw my grandmother during her open wake

They put so much make up on her face

As I stepped closer towards the woman that I knew

Her life shined through, she was dead yet made anew

 

I know I see Him when it's scary

I know I see Him when I'm happy

I know I see Him when I'm angry

But it could just be my death anxiety

 

I still convince myself that I will never die

Like I'm on some never-ending ride

As if the billions who've gone before me don't count

With such high amounts

I know how that sounds

 

 

An Hour Ago

The police held him back with force

Couldn't calm himself down to believe

Tried to scream while drowned in tears

Never felt more alive than within this grief

 

I saw you an hour ago

And now your body has left your soul

The bullets stained those tiny clothes

They didn't know

I saw you an hour ago

And now your school is fully closed

The least comforting thing is

You're not alone

 

She said goodbye but she had no though

That that goodbye would be the last he got

Standing now, asking to wake up

Overwhelmed that she can feel this much

 

We watched the news it seemed so absurd

Half the room had had their mouths covered

We couldn't work, couldn't think or move

What possessed that man?  What did he have to prove?

 

 

Potential (Jutting)

One time I fought off a murderous thought

About someone I knew

Have you had the same or am I insane?

 

Is it called sin, that struggle within,

The burden of free choice?

The way I behave, and the things I crave

 

I don't struggle to see potential black evil

In my heart

A murderer's speech is within my reach

 

Yes there is good, yes there is love

And I try to let it lead

I feel Evil's pull, not sure if it's equal

 

Oh don't you hate, this horrible fate

About how we can't always do good?

Well it annoys me, that break in the psyche

 

Why don't I stop?  Why don't I give up?

Why don't I collapse in hate?

I fail all the time, yet I yearn to keep trying

 

 

Key to Success

Look at you there standing fine in your new dress

How am I the man that you want to impress?

Oh, I don't think your face was built to frown

 

Using my last days to tie up the loose ends

I'd rather use my death as a form of revenge

Oh, oh, if I died now they would be so sorry

For the ways they've emotionally scarred me

 

It's a mouthful, it's a mouthful, it's a mouthful

And for the first time I am feeling double

Though I'm faking the crime, oh it kills my sense of time

The leader told me that the key to success is to be patient

(The leader told me that the key to success is to be brutal)

(The leader told me that the key to success is to be unflinchingly evil)

 

Never mind the crap that you get from a distance

I'm slow to speak but quick to defend her

"I don't think I should be here...I'm not that pretty"

She said as we entered Johnson City

 

And I learned the key to failure:

"Trying to please everyone"

 

 

 

Sick Sick Sick

I'm sick sick sick of waiting so long

I'm sick sick sick of waiting so long

I'm sick sick sick of waiting this long

 

I'm sick sick sick of thinking about the time

I'm sick sick sick of waiting in line

I'm sick sick sick of feeling fine

 

I'm sick sick sick of the pondering

I'm sick sick sick of the pretty things

I'm sick sick sick of not living

 

I'm sick sick sick of the avoiding

I'm sick sick sick of the ignoring

I'm sick sick of my attention not paying

 

I'm sick sick sick of all my queries

I'm sick sick sick of the mysteries

I'm sick sick of my curiosity

 

I'm sick sick of thinking about my death

I'm sick sick sick of wasting my breath

I'm sick sick of worrying about Beth

 

 

Salem Witch Trials

(no lyrics, just think about the trials as you listen)

 

 

The Buttercup (Little Tea Leaf)

She is my little buttercup

And I know she won't give me up

I know I have low self-esteem

But I'm confident in her it seems oh yes

She's my buttercup

 

She is my little tea leaf

And I'm water for her to steep

Though we have our faults and kinks

We sure to make a damn fine drink oh yes

She's my buttercup

She's my tea leaf

She's my buttercup

 

 

 

 

35 Years

What about your brothers?

What about the war?

What about your biggest fans?

They're making me bored

When is the storm gonna hit,

To knock them all down?

I'm getting anxious to die

Or get out of town

 

Why can't you see?

It's you it's not me

I can't go on with you

And one day when I reach 35 years

I'm driving my pick up straight to LA

I can't go on living, knowing I'm tied down with you

No, not for a day

 

What about the others?

What about my friends?

What if I/they hold their/my hand

When comes the end?

What about the promise

About if you die

That I wouldn't follow you?

I hope I don't lie

 

Why can't you see?

It's all crushing me

I can't go on without you

And one day when I reach 35 years

I'm driving my pick up straight to a place

Surrounded by fields where the sun can turn all the clouds pink

Oh, perhaps we'll stay

 

 

Heaven, Hell, or Nihilism

My worries attach to me like a tick

They're a wound in my mouth I can't help but lick

No days are added onto my life

When I consider all the things that bring my strife

Or ponder the ways death could take my wife any minute

I feel so knee deep in it

 

I once drew you in a loving picture

Panicked, I erased but the lines got thicker

I threw it away in the trash last fall

And in the spring it was somehow glued on my wall

And no fire, gun, sword, catapult, or dagger, or spear

Could ever get that thing out of here

 

When I step outside I am greeted by

A certain shade of green that tells me it's alright

When it belts that everything is fleeting

The collective sound of the cows all eating

The grass tells me that we'll be defeating our foes

And I'll make the first blow

 

When I die, I don't know what's gonna come

Heaven, Hell, or Nihilism

But I hope those who have gone before us

Were greeted with a gigantic loving chorus

That sings about how we won the war on apathy

And every single word is known upon their entry

And they'll be a phrase for this brand new things

Where you can simultaneously laugh and sing

And there'll be a light that makes the vision so crystal clear

And we'll forget the definition of fear

 

 

Foggy Mess

Monday I'd rejoice in the glow of Christ

Tuesday I'd proclaim that it was all lies

Then right back to my religious self

I was sure of nothing and wanted help

I first heard that doubt like an annoying bell

I believed because I was scared of Hell

Yeah I had no depth of commitment

Followed Christ to avoid the punishment

So I changed my veil, I had a spiritual schism

Dabbled in the church of atheism

Tried to rid myself of all that I could

From the Sunday school lessons of my childhood

But something I noticed internally

Like I didn't believe in God but God believe in me

Was this a feeling from the divine

Or something I made up in my mind?

 

I've got a grief that resists but catches me

I've got a grief that resists but catches me

I try to flee yet it chases happily

I've got a grief that resists but catches me

 

Don't you find it so frustrating

That you can really make the Bible say anything?

You can do what you want if you quote the right verse

From making fun of someone to putting them in a Hearse

I'm not saying that the book contains no truth

But we need to realize that we pick and choose

To fit God into our personal box

Maybe the point of it all is the paradox

It wasn't the Lord that disgusted me

It was my fellow followers hypocracy

And I say that knowing 100%

I'm referring to myself as well as them

Cause I'll quickly bark out rules and laws

Forgetting I can't listen with my moving jaw

And the Bible states it quite clearly

That those who thought that way are called "Pharisees"

 

Now I'm not sure of the title I hold

I'd rather not have one if I can be so bold

The one thing I feel I can sink my teeth

Into is a love that forgives my enemies

And I know I'll fail with the bar so high

But something inside me compels me to try

You may call me a heretic

You can't spell that word without "eric"

Admittedly I'm scared, skiddish like a vapor

To put these thoughts down onto this paper

What if I'm disowned by my family

When I claim that "if there's a Hell, it's probably empty"?

For some it's easy just to give it up

But I'll probably always drink right from that cup

It's a foggy mess still around my head

I'm sure I'll figure it out though when I'm dead

 

 

 

 

Only I Exist

My environment shapes the way I live

Saying only I exist

Words come from the south, words without a mouth

Saying only I exit

The roots of the trees, and the mountains breeze

They say only I exist

So I press the keys, and they sing and plead

They say only I exist

 

And my scenery is a screen in front of me

It says only I exist

If a god is above, then it's made of love

It says only I exist

 

The disappointed face is a cold cold place

Where I never want to live

Yet I turned away from the life you gave

Saying please no I insist

Then the righteous path never called me back

I said "no I don't exist"

And if hate grows bold, like darkness or the cold

It is only the absence

 

I fear that everything I hope for

Is just my ego's desires